Friday, March 29, 2013
A sad day. Two thousand years since my Savior died. Two months since my daughter was born. I spend the day listening to Bach's music, reading Gregory Schulz's book "The Problem of Suffering" and remembering every moment of Matilda's first day with us. How she kicked and squirmed in my womb when she heard the Psalms read before the c-section. How she cried when she was born. How wonderful it was that she received the gift of baptism just minutes after she was born. How thankful I was that she had made it that far. I couldn't wait to see her! How her little hand felt when I was able to touch it briefly before they took her to NICU. How I wanted to see and hold her right there. How hard it was to wait in recovery and not being able to be with her. How awful it was to see the nurse burst into my room, saying we had to get over there now, Matilda was coding. I had not even seen her yet! Oh, the agony of waiting outside the NICU for someone to come and get us. Was she still alive?! How wonderful and heartbreaking to finally get to see her. She was so beautiful. Her hair was so soft. Her feet were so little. But why God did she have to be so sick? Why did she have to lie like that, so small and fragile, hooked up to all these machines? And, WHY GOD, did she have to die? I miss my sweet baby so much. And then I look to the cross, where my Savior died for my sin, and I have to say with Gregory Schulz: "I have tasted God's love. I would like to tell you that it is always a rich, delicious feast, but often, watching my children suffering, I have to be satisfied with a tincture, just a taste. For the time being. Like a patient just waking up from surgery, I feel groggy. Pain. Hunger, yes. Some nausea. I am thirsty but leery of drinking too deep too fast. In and out, I am uncertain. At this point of my life, I cannot jump up and leap for joy. The sites of the Surgeon's amputations still throb. He will have to watch my wounds for infection, I think, very closely indeed." (p. 54)
So it is a sad Good Friday indeed, but good also. While I was still a sinner, Christ died for me. And for Matilda. And for all of us. I thank Him for the gift of salvation that He gave to Matilda, and that He has given to me, and I pray that He will preserve my faith until the end. I can't wait to see my beautiful daughter again in heaven.
"And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Edith hade jätteroligt med mommo och moffa, som var här i tre veckor - längsta besöket i USA för dem. Efter att de åkt, har hon ofta tagit ner kortet på dem från bokhyllan och pussat dem. Jag tror hon saknar dem... ;)
My parents spent three weeks with us, and Edith had lots of fun. After they left, she keeps taking down their picture from the book shelf and kissing them. I think she misses them...
Favoritleksaken - deras Ipad:
Her favorite toy - their Ipad:
Leker med ballonger:
Playing with balloons:
Chillar och tittar på en film tillsammans:
Hanging out and watching a movie:
Åker på kossan:
Riding on the cow:
Svårt att få alla att titta in i kameran samtidigt...
Hard to get everyone to look into the camera at the same time...
Jag är så tacksam över att vi fick ha kära syster Mikaela här under 10 dagar, från Matildas sista dag i livet och över begravningen. Tack Patten (hennes man) som var hemmapappa under tiden och tog hand om alla sju barnen och hela hushållet! Vi skryter med att ha en så duktig svåger och amerikanerna är mycket imponerade.
I'm so thankful that my sister Mikaela was able to visit us for 10 days. She got here just in time to see Matilda before she died and stayed over the funeral and a few more days. Thanks to Patten, her husband, who stayed home and took care of their seven kids (ages 10 to 2) all by himself - proof that the stereotypical guy who doesn't know how to take care of kids and household is just that, a stereotype. We are very proud of you!
Edith var glad över att få träffa moster för andra gången i sitt liv.
"Vad ska jag säga till alla som inte förstår: Glöm inte bort mig. Hör av er. Kom på besök. Ge inte upp även om jag är avvisande. Det är nog det svåraste. Att vilja gemenskap och inte klara av den. Att vilja närhet när allt är avstånd." (Lars Björklund)
"Jag överlever. Men att överleva är inte detsamma som att klara av att leva. Det finns två alternativ. Att leva eller att dö. Det handlar inte om styrka. Och lever jag så gör jag det som livet kräver. Går upp, äter frukost och så vidare. Men jag klarar mig inte." (Lars Björklund)
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Friday, March 1, 2013
In the summer of 2009, Kristina and I started the long, long, long (expensive) process of making her a permanent legal resident. When she entered the country in 2010 this became a reality, but only for two years. In the midst of finishing seminary, call night, and moving, we had to do another round of paperwork in order to remove the "Conditional" status that she was under. It has been quite a long wait, but just today, Kristina received her "10 Year" card, which means that we don't have to deal with immigration headaches FOR 10 YEARS. I cannot express with enough excitement how much of a relief this is. A little ray of light through the dense clouds.